From Broken to Boss: Becoming Me

Marriage wasn’t what I thought it was when I was younger

Back then marriage was just a picture in my mind

A cute house

Kids

A family

A life that looked good from the outside

I didn’t understand the weight behind it

The healing

The choosing

The growing

The painful parts

The sacred parts

I had no idea what partnership really meant

My first long relationship destroyed my idea of love

I thought that was my forever

Because I didn’t think I deserved more

He was mentally unstable

Abusive in every possible way

And I was carrying my own trauma too

Those five years were hell

And when I finally escaped

I wasn’t free

I was shattered

Rebuilding myself afterward felt impossible

I had no identity

No foundation

No understanding of who I even was

Leaving the abuse was one battle

Learning how to exist afterward was another

I felt alone

Raw

Confused

Trying to piece myself back together with hands that were still shaking

And then came Rafael

Not as a fairytale

Not as a romantic whirlwind

Not as someone I instantly fell for

We were coworkers

Two class clowns

Two idiots laughing all day

Pranking each other

Teasing each other

Acting like awkward teenage boys

He became the only thing that made work feel light

The only part of my day that didn’t feel heavy

And then something happened…

Our connection felt nostalgic — like being kids again

Not the surface-level “we joked around a lot” type of thing

It was deeper

More tender

It was two kids who had to grow up way too fast

Finally feeling safe enough to be kids again

Life was zooming on around us

Bills

Jobs

Trauma

Responsibilities

Adult life

Chaos

But somehow

When I was with him

I felt like a child again

Playful

Silly

Unfiltered

I hadn’t felt that in years

Because in my household

I never really got to be a kid

But with him

I could finally breathe

Relax

Laugh without thinking

Be my raw self

That kind of love hits your soul differently

It feels familiar

Like home you didn’t know you were missing

And then there was the Vegas situation

In the middle of our friendship

He was planning to move to Vegas

Lease signed

Everything set

So while we were flirting

I kept my heart locked

I wasn’t about to fall for someone who was leaving

I even told our mutual best friend

“I’m not taking him seriously

I’m not opening my heart

He’s moving.”

But of course

That friend told Rafael

And one day he pulls me aside

“I heard what you said…

But I want to make this work.

We can do long distance.

Come to Vegas with me.

We can make it happen.”

I was stunned

Embarrassed

And moved in a way I didn’t know how to process

Then everything changed

The next time we worked together he said

“I have to tell you something…”

My heart dropped

Then he told me

“I’m not moving to Vegas.”

It hit me all at once

Shock

Emotion

Confusion

Hope

Why would someone do something so permanent when everything in my life seemed temporary?

Why would someone choose me over a whole new life?

Why did I matter that much?

Nobody had ever chosen me like that

So boldly

So intentionally

A part of me softened in that moment

A part I didn’t even know was still alive

Then the feelings hit

He teased me one day

Just like always

And my stomach flipped

Shyness

Awkwardness

Nerves

After months of being “bros”

I suddenly realized

I liked him

And it scared me

Because it finally felt real

We started hanging out more

And while I was in the bathroom

My best friend told him

“You know she likes you, right?”

He had no idea

Because we were both awkward and pretending we didn’t see it

After that he asked me on a date

Then another

Then another

And we saw each other every single day

After two dates

He looked at me and said

“So… are we doing this?”

I laughed

“I guess so?”

And he said

“Alright. 3 5 17.”

Awkward

Funny

Perfect

I wasn’t used to a good man

A protector

A provider

A stable soul

Someone loyal

Someone gentle

Someone who didn’t want to hurt me

But I wasn’t healthy at first

I couldn’t make eye contact

I wouldn’t let him see me without makeup

I’d put makeup on immediately after showering

I wore extensions constantly

On our first trip together

He saw my bare face for the first time

I was terrified

Waiting for judgment

But instead he said

“Wow… you’re so beautiful right now.”

That sentence healed something in me I didn’t know I needed healed

My mental health back then was chaos

I couldn’t eat in front of him

I lashed out

I spiraled

I threw a chair once and made a hole in the wall

I had nightmares every night

I talked in my sleep like I was crying

But he didn’t shame me

He didn’t run

He didn’t tell me I was too much

He held me

He stayed

He learned me

He even made compilation videos of my crying moments

Not to mock me

But to make me laugh

To help snap me out of episodes

To help me see myself clearer

And weirdly

It worked

Rafael helped me grow a backbone

I used to let everyone walk over me

I paid for friendships

I tolerated family disrespect

I accepted crumbs

Because I thought that was all I was worth

But he showed me my patterns

Showed me I deserved better

Helped me build boundaries

And toxic people started falling away

Friends who used me left

Family who tore me down lost access

For the first time

I protected myself

My family shaped so much of my trauma

My body was always wrong

My looks were always wrong

My decisions were always wrong

My everything was always wrong

Too skinny

Too fat

Too muscular

Too soft

My forehead

My clothes

My makeup

My hair

My body

I never felt enough

For anyone

So of course my relationships mirrored that pain

My friendships mirrored that pain

My coping mechanisms mirrored that pain

Because trauma teaches you what love is NOT

Long before you learn what love IS

But Rafael didn’t run from my broken pieces

He didn’t fix me

He didn’t save me

He just stayed while I healed

Choosing me

Every day

Until I could finally choose myself

Piece by piece

Moment by moment

He helped me rebuild

Until I became someone I actually recognized

Someone strong

Someone confident

Someone healed

My marriage is more than a relationship — it is my restoration

It taught me boundaries

Self respect

Standards

Identity

Worth

It ended generational trauma

Ended cycles of abuse

Ended the patterns I grew up in

The brokenness stops with me

Right here

Right now

I truly believe Rafael was my reward for surviving

After everything I endured

Everything I cried through

Everything I clawed my way out of

God gave me someone who felt like a miracle

He’s my protector

My friend

My teacher

My leader

My peace

My anchor

My home

He expands my heart

My mind

My world

Every day

And about that “daddy” term

I never understood it

Until I realized what it really meant

He taught me

The safety

The boundaries

The love

The emotional security

A father should have given

Not in a weird way

But in a healing way

In an inner-child finally feeling safe kind of way

I hope every woman finds her own Rafael

Because I would go to the ends of the earth for this man

I’ll cook

Clean

Meal prep

Carry our babies

Build a life with him

Not because I’m weak

But because he helped me become strong

He didn’t just give me marriage

He gave me stability

Safety

Healing

And a version of myself I never believed I’d get to meet